Verbal Abuse

Love does not create verbal abuse. Dominance does.

A verbal abuser does not abuse out of love. He/she abuses out of a desire to control.

When a person who is being verbally abused gets the double message of verbal abuse, she/he is confused. The double message is:

                      • I love you (those nice, sweet words of seduction)

                      • I don't love you (the words of abuse)

In any long-term relationship (not limited to but including marriage) the double message makes the person who is being abused feel confused or even crazy.

Why?

A long-term relationship is thought to be loving and safe.

When the abuse starts, two messages are sent at the same time, that old "I love you but..." routine.

The person being abused and getting the double messages is confused because the relationship is a safe, loving place where seduction takes place and the relationship is not a safe, loving place because abuse takes place here.

If you are in an abusive relationship, common double messages might be:

                       • "I love you so much that I.."

                . "We have problems only because I love you so much."

                       • "I love you but..."

Just remember:

                      •  Love does not create problems, dominance does.

                      • Abuse is about control, not love.

And...

                      • Verbal abuse always precedes physical abuse.

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