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Their
names are Henry and Sarah. They have lived long lives. They have loved
for a lifetime, and yet have not spoken in many years. Today may indeed
be their last chance. Sarah is dying and, with her, so is Henry's heart.
Henry has been driving for hours. He can barely see the road. His vision
isn't what it used to be and his glasses are fogged with tears. He is
going to tell Sarah that he loves her and to say good-bye. His heart is
aching. All those wasted years. Why hadn't he ever told her that he loved
her? Why was he so afraid? Will he be too late? So many questions and
so few answers.
He knows he should have gone back for his heart pills. He can already
feel the tugs. His doctor told him if he didn't take his pills he could
die. His children would be angry at him for not going back. They might
think him a senile old man who should be put in a home. But none of them
would ever understand that some things in life are more important than
living or dying. Things like love and words that need to be said before
it is too late.
He
heard it from a friend of a friend of a friend. Sarah is dying. His beautiful
Sarah, whom he had loved from afar for his entire life. Sarah who he had
been afraid to ask out. A plain woman to many, but to him the most beautiful
woman in the world. The woman he had wanted to marry, who he had never
even asked out. The woman he wanted to spend his life with, whose hand
he had only held once. The woman he had wanted to grow old with and who
he had grown old without. She was dying, but before she died, he wanted
to see her and to say those three little words that meant the whole world.
He was going to tell the woman he loved, the woman he had always loved,
that he loved her.
A few miles back he had nearly crashed his car into a ditch. He isn't
supposed to drive. His son would be mad. They had let him keep his car
just to let him keep his self respect, but there was an understanding
that, while his car would remain his, he would never drive it. It would
simply be there to remind him of how things used to be. Before his weary
old body had begun to fall apart. Before his vision had started to go.
His children tell him that his mind is going. That he can no longer remember
things. That maybe they should find a nice safe place for him to live.
A home. Like where Sarah is now. He thinks they are wrong. Maybe he can't
always remember what day it is, but Henry thinks that is simply because
he doesn't care what day it is. His memory is perfect. He can remember
everything about Sarah. The way her eyes sparkle when she smiles, the
first time they met, and every chance he had to say those words but chickened
out. No, his memory is fine. He may not be as sharp as a tack, but he
will never forget that first kiss.
As for the pills, Henry wonders if maybe he forgot them on purpose. But
then he realizes it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is getting
to Sarah in time.
At last he sees the sign ahead. "Welcome to Sunny Acres, A Great
Place to Live." He wonders about that. Where is the sun? He had been
crying so hard that he hadn't even realized it had begun to rain. And
a great place to live? If only that were true.
He pulls up to a building. His vision is so cloudy that he can't find
a space so he simply parks in front of the entrance. His body is definitely
not what it used to be. He can barely climb out the door. What was once
so easy, is now so hard. He reaches back for his cane. And into the rain
he walks, taking each step with great effort. He smiles a little thinking
of himself as a new born baby, learning to take his first step. Mom and
Dad would have been so proud.
It might have only been twenty steps to the front door, but to Henry it
was a mile. His children would have been amazed to see him. The man who
had barely been out of his wheelchair for years was walking in the middle
of a rain storm, blowing winds and all. He struggled against the wind,
and although it was strong, Henry was not about to let something as insignificant
as rain, wind, and his failing body stop him from doing what he had come
to do. There was no more time for excuses. This was his last chance.
He found the door during a flash of lightning. He read the name of the
home on the door again. "Welcome to Sunny Acres, A Great Place to
Live." Henry mumbled, "Sunny Acres, bah humbug." It was
a joke, but Henry didn't feel like laughing.
Henry had a hard time getting the door open, and once he did the wind
tore it from his hands. He simply didn't have the strength to fight the
wind to close it and so the door remained open in the blowing winds.
Henry wandered into a building, the kind of building he had been afraid
to enter for many years. Knowing that once he stepped inside the doors,
he would only be leaving once, and that when he left, his eyes would be
closed and his body would be motionless. This was the kind of place where
he had begged his children not to send him. This is the place that he
had told them he was afraid to die in.
Henry looked around. It was so antiseptic and sterile. There were the
pretenses at making this look like a home, but it looked more like a cross
between the lobby of a cheap hotel and a hospital emergency room. Unfortunately,
the one sense he had that still functioned fine was his sense of smell.
Despite the attempts to hide the odors of death, vomit and urine, he could
still smell them despite the smell of bleach and a heavy dose of something
that smelled like artificial flowers in a can. This place is his worst
nightmare come true, and he knows that soon his children plan on "convincing
him" that he would be "happier" in a place like this. Henry
makes a promise to himself, before that time comes, he will simply allow
himself to die at home, comfortable in his own bed.
But the sad part is that Sarah is dying. That she is dying here. Part
of Henry wants to run for the door, but of course Henry can't run. It's
not just his body. Today is the most important day of his life. Today,
he is finally going to find the courage to tell Sarah what he has wanted
to say since that day so very long ago.
Henry tries to pull himself together. He attempts to straighten his coat
and hat. He tries to straighten his crooked old body. He walks up to the
greeting station, which is basically a not-so-cleverly disguised nurse's
station. He tries to speak, but his voice fails him. The nurse looks up.
He instantly knows that she is thinking, "It's almost his time."
Words fail him as he realizes how he must look. A frail old man, slouching
onto his cane, bug-eyed glasses so thick they look like they were carved
from the bottoms of Coke bottles, standing in front of the reception desk
of a nursing home, soaking wet, with his lips moving but no words coming
out.
He pulls himself together again. He says, "I'm here to see Sarah."
The nurse asks, "Sarah who?" Henry realizes that he doesn't
know what last name Sarah's children registered her under, so he says,
"I'm sorry. I don't know whether she is registered under her maiden
name or the name of the man she was married to twenty years ago."
And so he gives them both. Henry's heart is in his throat as the nurse-slash-receptionist
runs her finger down a list of names and room numbers. Is he too late?
Finally the nurse's finger stops and she looks up....
The nurse says, "I'm sorry...." and Henry's heart jumps so hard
he is nearly knocked from his feet. The nurse said something else but
Henry had missed it. His hearing aide must have gotten wet. He asks her
to repeat what she had said. She said, "I'm sorry... Sarah is in
207, but Sarah's condition is not good. We don't expect her to make it
through the night." Henry asks if any of the family members are in
with Sarah and the nurse checks the visitors log. She looks up and says,
"It looks as though they came in yesterday, but none of them are
here now." Then realizing she might have made a mistake, she asks
if Henry is a member of her family. Henry says no, he is not related to
Sarah, but says he has something he needs to tell her. The nurse says,
"I am very sorry, but only members of the family are allowed to visit
the guests." With that she gives Henry, Mr. Feeble Old Man in a soaking
wet coat, a look that says don't even think of arguing with me and turns
away.
Henry knows he has been dismissed. To the nurse this feeble old man has
simply vanished off the face of the earth. He knows there is no sense
in arguing. But Henry has waited too long; he has something that he wants
to say to Sarah before it is too late. And he doesn't want her to die
alone. So, remembering the time he and Sarah as kids had sneaked into
the movie theater (it was black and white back then with Charlie Chaplin
doing slapstick to make them all laugh), Henry simply sneaked in, which
wasn't all that hard to do because, to the nurses, one little old man
looks pretty much like the others. It was as though Henry was invisible.
The nurses-slash-hospitality queens, or whatever they called them these
days, saw him but simply ignored him.
Henry simply used his cane, actually trying to make a little more of a
show of it for the benefit of the nurses than was necessary, and hobbled
down the hallway. His heart was so full of sadness as he walked that hallway.
These people, the patients, or as they call them these days, "the
guests", were the people of his generation. These were the people
who were children when he was a child. He marveled at the fact that when
they were children that none of them had seen this coming. They were blind
to this. When they dreamed of the future they dreamed of getting married,
having children, successful careers, but none of them dreamed of the final
reality: those who were lucky enough to live long enough would end up
here. In a world where they were alone. A cold world of pain, hurt, and
unspeakable smells. A world where when someone died, no one cared.
Despite his hurry to see Sarah, Henry stopped and look into the faces
of all of those he saw. Wondering how many of them he had met during his
lifetime. How many of the people in this sad new world were friends from
years gone by. It was so sad, some of the patients could walk but most
were in wheelchairs or bedridden. Those in wheelchairs were simply parked
at random places in the hallway. Many simply staring at the walls and
maybe dreaming about ... yesterdays...
When he reached room 207, Henry faltered. What was he about to see? Would
it break his heart seeing Sarah like this? Indeed, would she have already
passed on? In a place like this who was going to notice until it was time
to change the sheets. Would he still love the woman whose face he had
not seen in so many years?
Resolve set in. It was time. Time to set things right. Time to find the
courage that had failed him for a lifetime.
Henry opened the door.
Inside was Sarah. She was laying on one of those hospital beds. There
was none of the medical equipment that he had expected to see. Simply
a bed, a chair, a few pictures on the wall, and Sarah laying on the bed.
Her eyes were closed. So Henry simply looked at her. Her body was shrunken
with age as was his. Her hair was no longer glossy, it would no longer
fly in the wind, indeed it was now gray. Her face had wrinkles, and yet
Henry found himself thinking that she was still the most beautiful woman
in the world.
Henry moved over and sat his tired old body in the chair next to Sarah.
He simply sat. He looked upon the woman he had loved for a lifetime. She
was resting peacefully. He could see her chest rise and fall. She was
sleeping. And so Henry sat and watched her. How long he had no idea. Maybe
one hour, maybe ten, he didn't know. He simply enjoyed sitting here with
the woman he loved.
He heard a voice. It was Sarah's voice. Calling to him in a dream. Henry...
Henry... Henry???? With a start he realized he had fallen asleep in the
chair and someone really was calling his name. It was Sarah. She was awake
and she was looking at him, and she was smiling. It was the most beautiful
smile that Henry had ever seen.
Henry did something he had not done since he was a child. He took Sarah's
hand. She didn't try to pull away. Instead she held his hand in return
with what little strength she had left.
Henry looked into Sarah's eyes and said something that he had wanted to
say ever since that day so many years before. Henry said, "I love
you... Sarah.. I have always loved you..."
Sarah didn't look shocked. Instead she smiled, gripped Henry's hand and
held it a little tighter and said, "I love you, too, Henry. I have
always loved you..."
Henry smiled for the first time in many years. But then sadness set in.
He looked Sarah in the eyes and said, "Sarah, I am so sorry. I should
have told you that first day. The day that you kissed me that one time
as innocent children. I should have told you when we were teenagers. I
should have told you when we were adults. But I didn't. You and I both
married, but you were always the woman I loved so much that I could never
tell you."
Sarah asked simply, "Why were you afraid, Henry?"
And so Henry looked into her eyes and said, "Sarah, in my life I
have loved many women. But there was only one that I was so in love with
that I was afraid to talk to her about it. That woman was you." And
then he paused ... as though trying to find the right words...
Sarah said, "Come on Henry, you have come all this way to say it...
Please, just tell me what you feel and you don't have to think about finding
the right words.. Please tell me why you were afraid to tell me... Somehow
I know that it is something I need to hear as much as you are afraid to
tell me."
And so Henry said, "All my life I have wanted to tell you that I
love you. I have wanted to tell you how beautiful I think you are. How
just seeing you smile makes me feel warm all over. That with other people
I can speak my mind, that I am not afraid, but with you I am afraid...
"And again he hesitated.
"Henry....?"
"Sarah, when I talk to other women I am not afraid. I see the good
parts in them, but I also see their flaws. But when I see you, the only
flaws I see are mine."
And Henry became too choked up with tears to speak...
He kept mumbling something about her making him want to become a better
man.
And finally Sarah understood. Henry had spent his whole life thinking
he was not good enough for her. That he was unworthy of her love... It
wasn't that he didn't love her... It was that he loved her so much that
he was terrified of being rejected.
And Sarah understood, too, because she had always loved Henry. But seeing
herself as a plain-looking woman, she had felt unworthy of his love...
And so she pulled Henry closer and said, "Henry, my whole life I
have wanted to tell you I love you.. but I was afraid... because when
I looked at you... I didn't see your flaws.. I saw mine...
But Henry, how can you look at me like that now. I am an old woman. My
face is covered with wrinkles. My hair is gray."
And Henry said, "You are still the most beautiful woman I know. As
we have aged so have my eyes. In your eyes I see the little girl I met
as a child. In your face, I see the woman that I loved from afar. Each
of those wrinkles represents a time in your life. A time when I loved
you but never spoke the words. You hair is like silver, the color of angel's
wings. Everything about you is beautiful... But I wonder what you see
in me..."
And Sarah says.... "In your smile I see the little boy that I had
a school girl crush on. In your face I see the strength of character that
enabled you to be a good and kind man. In your eyes I see the man who
I always felt would someday come to me as my knight in shining armor.
Thank you for coming today, Henry. Thank you for giving me what I have
wanted all my life, your love."
At this point they were both smiling and crying at the same time. They
were tears of sadness for years missed and of joy for a newly blossoming
love.
Henry's
heart jumpedonce again when a nurse came in, reminding him again that
he had forgotten his pills. Henry and Sarah both asked her to leave. She
did, but with a rather bewildered expression on her face, perhaps thinking
these old people are gonna drive me nuts one of these days. And secretly
in her heart, hidden like it is in the hearts of many of the caretakers,
behind all of the coldness and uncaring attitude, was her secret fear
that she might live long enough to grow old and come here, too.
Henry turned back to Sarah, and said, "There is something else I
have been wanting to ask you for a lifetime." Sarah looked up bewildered
as Henry reach into his coat. First, he pulled out a dozen roses, which
were now missing many petals, and a small box. Henry placed the roses
on the bed next to her and said, "These are for you. I have wanted
to give you roses every day of my life, but this is the first time I found
the courage." Sarah smiled and said they were the most beautiful
flowers she had ever seen, and indeed they were, because of the man who
had given them to her. Then he opened the little box.
Inside the box were two rings, one a man's and the other a woman's. They
were a matched set of wedding rings with little hearts on them. Just like
the ones that Sarah had jokingly pointed to in a store window when they
were children and said, "Oh Henry, will you marry me?"
After all these years Henry had not only remembered, he had bought the
rings, or at least had some made to look exactly like them. They even
had the little hearts.
Henry then pulled out a piece of paper that was folded up real small so
it could fit in the ring box. Henry looked into Sarah's eyes and said,
"I want to ask you something that I have wanted to ask you since
we were children. Something I have always been afraid to ask. I bought
these rings long ago, but I never had the courage to ask you if we could
wear them. I knew at the time you meant it as a joke, but I never forgot.
Over the years, I wrote many notes and letters to you and tore them all
up. Probably hundreds of letters, and all of them went into the trash
because I could not find the right words. Finally, I found the right words.
I put them on this little piece of paper and promised myself that someday
I would read this note to you and ask you to wear this wedding ring."
Slowly, carefully, Henry opened the little piece of paper. He unfolded
it with shaking hands. It seemed to take forever. Sarah was waiting expectantly
to hear the words that had taken Henry so many years and so much work
to come up with.
Finally the paper was unfolded. Henry smoothed it carefully. He handed
Sarah the note. And, despite her eyesight not being what it once was,
she read the words Henry had written so long ago. The note simply said,
"Will You Marry Me?"
Sarah looked into Henry's eyes and said the word he had waited a lifetime
to hear. She said, "Yes."
Henry, whose fingers were shaking worse than ever, carefully placed the
ring on Sarah's finger. In turn, she placed the other ring gently onto
Henry's. Both of them were smiling despite their age and withered bodies.
They were at once the children of long ago, and the adults of yesterday,
with love in their hearts.
In their hearts, Henry and Sarah were now married. It was now and forever.
It didn't take a ceremony. There were no guests and there was no little
piece of paper except a brittle little piece of paper sitting on the blanket,
and yet theirs was a marriage that on one hand lasted only a day, and
on the other would last for all eternity.
Henry could feel Sarah starting to slip. Indeed he could feel the pains
in his chest because of his forgotten medication. And yet both of them
simply wanted to share the moment. And so they held each other without
words. Sarah asked Henry to climb onto the bed next to her, so they could
hold each other close. Henry did so with a bit of a struggle, but soon
he was laying next to his wife on the bed.
Sarah held Henry close and said, "Henry, I don't think I have much
time left, and somehow I know without you saying it that neither do you.
My voice is starting to fail, but I want to ask one last favor. When I
was little girl and we were friends, you used to tell me stories to make
me smile and laugh. Could you tell me some of those stories now? I wanna
feel like a little girl again. Lets pretend it's bedtime and you are telling
me bedtime stories..."
Henry said he would.
And Sarah spoke one last time. "I love you, Henry. We may have missed
out on a life together here on earth, but I know we will spend life as
husband and wife in heaven. This is not the end, it is only the beginning.
I love you, Henry."
Those were Sarah's last words. She laid there listening as Henry told
stories, some of them real from their childhood, some of them make-believe,
and the stories about what was yet to come when they found themselves
once again in heaven. Sometime during the night, Sarah passed away in
Henry's arms with a smile on her face. Henry's heart gave its final beat
shortly after and he too passed away. He died a happy man.
The local newspaper ran a story about them for a few days. A story that
their children cut out and kept in their family albums to pass on to their
children. The story was a story about how Sarah and Henry had been found
laying in each others arms. That they had both been wearing wedding rings
and smiling. And that they had been holding hands. When their hands had
been pulled apart the doctor had found a note that said "Will You
Marry Me?" The story went on to tell how the families had been so
touched when they heard about this that they had asked a local minister
to do a double ceremony. Henry and Sarah were buried together. But first
the minister had pronounced them man and wife. The story had been so overwhelming
that the entire town came to the ceremony to remember two people that
they had all forgotten. They covered the entire area with roses.
A little boy and a little girl were playing in the cemetery a few years
later. They were just walking around and doing the things that children
do, wrestling, playing with frogs and silly stuff. The little boy stopped
to pick up a rose that had grown up in front of one of the tombstones.
The little girl stopped to rest. Sitting there, she read what it said.
Inscribed on the stone were the words "Henry and Sarah, husband and
wife, they lived a lifetime, and loved forever."
The little girl said, "Hey, Henry, those are our names. It says we
were married." They both giggled and laughed. Henry looked into Sarah's
beautiful eyes, and with all the mock seriousness he could muster he knelt
down on one knee and said, "Sarah will you marry me?" Sarah,
ever the little actress, said, "Yes, Henry, I will marry you."
They both laughed the laughter of children and ran off to play.
MORAL
OF THE STORY
Don't let your fear of your own flaws keep you from telling people what
you feel. Nothing feels worse than not having said the words.
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